trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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