Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
