I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
