He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize