I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
