so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if only i could text you this smell
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
