My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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