wakey wakey hands off snakey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
