Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
