i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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