Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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