We're like a lot better than the average bears
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
