I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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