There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
