Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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