My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
