Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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