dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
