I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
