You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
