I can text with my tongue
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
