recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
