you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize