Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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