You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
