i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
