Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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