OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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