he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i drank out of a bidet.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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