i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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