Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
