i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
