I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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