It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
