Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
