Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
