is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
