You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
