Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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