Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
