we're blogging at a bar
You just made me feel so damn special
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
