Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
