Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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