just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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