can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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