I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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