you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
