I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
