she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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