I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
