my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
