our cab driver is having phone sex.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
