Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
