Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
