okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
