Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
