so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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