I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
