so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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