Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
