I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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