This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
