AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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