I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to stop coming to work sober
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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