I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize