dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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