she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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