when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the liver wants what the liver wants
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
