I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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