i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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