she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
